fluorescentI’m no Gok, so I’m not going to try and persuade you to prance about with nowt on at all. But there are times in our lives when you just want to feel like you’re pretty damn hot when you’re wearing next to nothing. Admittedly that’s more likely to happen in the summer, but hell, you have to put the work in for the rest of the year so I’m not going to apologise for an untimely post.

‘Romantic’ situations are made easier by the control that you generally have over the lighting. Although I once had a boyfriend who had a fluorescent strip light in his bedroom. (He wasn’t weird, it was a University-owned flat. OK, he was a bit weird, but for different reasons.) Trips to the local swimming baths with your baby are made easier by the fact that you are so busy trying to stop them drink the water/poo in the water/ drown in the water that you don’t give a tiny rat’s arse what your thighs look like.

But then life/fate/the angry gods present you with a situation where you just wish you’d been dry brushing your legs and drinking wheatgrass since you were twelve. I’m talking cellulite, if you hadn’t already worked it out. And here’s the low-down on some potions that claim to sort it.

Soap & Glory have impressed me a few times this year (I like their Clean On Me shower gel, for example), but I think anti-cellulite products are a bit out of their league. ‘Slimwear’ is just £9.00 – which had alarm bells ringing immediately. I think this is an area where you just have to cough up a bit more. That said, the texture was pleasant, a tingle made it feel effective and it certainly made my skin smooth. Let’s call it ‘a good budget option’.

Moving up market a bit is Karin Herzog, a newish brand hailing from Switzerland. Their two-step Dynamic Duo is getting massive press, and is apparently used by Uma Thurman, Kylie and Sharon Stone. Not that we care about such people. The first step, ‘Tonus B12’, is an energising body toner containing vitamin B12, green tea and avocado. The following ‘Silhouette’ treatment contains 4% oxygen to stimulate the body’s circulation and eliminate cellulite-causing toxins. Fancy. And a lot more expensive (the RRP is £68.00 although you seem to be able to get it for less on the website). But does it work? It’s a slight fiddle, and I’d prefer one tube, but I can honestly say that my dimples were a lot less dimply.

After reluctantly finishing my Dynamic Duo, I moved onto Dovespa’s ‘Figure Hugging’ Firming Gel Cream (£25). Apparently, ‘the fast absorbing gel contains algae extract and elastine peptides to leave skin smoother and firmer’. Algae aside, I can honestly say this has the nicest smell of anything I have ever used on my behind. Lovely and clean and spa-ish. Gorgeous in fact. Result-wise, not bad either, although my thighs were left in rather good nick from Karin Herzog’s miracle-workers.

Finally, I went back to an old favourite that has been improved since I last tried it: Clarins High Definition Body Lift (formerly just boring old ‘Body Lift’). It used to feel so cold and tingly when you put it on that on a chilly morning it was deeply unpleasant. And we know about chilly mornings here. Now, however, your £32 gets you a patented formula, and a tingly feeling that’s less like assault. And the results have improved too. That’s the French for you.

One more thing about cellulite. Fellow Handpicked Media blogger (and beauty editor of The Telegraph) Kate Shapland has a blog devoted to it called The Leg Room. So off you go and read about Beverly Knight’s butt. And in the meantime, go for candlelight whenever it’s available.

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