Stealing from children is great fun. Oh shut up, I don’t mean in a cruel way. No, I’m talking about products, of course. And also food. In fact, let’s talk about food first. If you’ve got young kids, you’ll know that what they eat these days is a vast improvement on the minced mutton and marmite type carry-on we were all forced to eat in the seventies. No wonder I’ll try (almost) anything – it’s called hope.

Anyway, nowadays (thanks mainly to children’s food guru Annabel Karmel, I reckon) babies are given all sorts of delicious nosh, if their parents can be bothered. And if they can’t – no problem, because they no longer have to endure little jars of shepherd’s pie. Oh no. When I was feeling lazy the other day, my nipper got a Chicken and Apricot Tagine. Which he hated, so I ate it. That incident is not strictly theft, as it would have gone in the bin. But even if he had liked it I would have tried a bit whilst pointing out an imaginary farm animal in the kitchen. Easy pickings.

Products are fair game, too. What toddler is going to throw a tantrum on finding you using their Burt’s Bees Apricot Baby Oil? Which leads me nicely onto the first brand for discussion. Baby Bee, the kids’ sub-brand of Burt’s Bees, has some little crackers amongst its range. The baby oil mentioned is around a tenner but lasts for ages, the Buttermilk Lotion (£11.74) is light and soothing, and the Diaper Ointment (£8.32) smells amazing but I have yet to work out an adult use for it. Any suggestions welcome.

My more recent pilfering has been of Daniel Galvin Junior’s new organic range for babies, which includes the delectable and gorgeously mild Hair Juice Cucumber and Melon Shampoo (£3.49). Apparently, ‘Daniel discovered after the birth of his first child, Rhett, that many shampoos available for children contained harsh chemicals and were not organic’. His range only uses naturally derived and organic ingredients – and has also been developed to soothe and calm babies, leaving them feeling contented, relaxed and ready for a good night’s sleep, apparently. Bonus.

My almost-teenage stepdaughter is less easy to pinch from, especially as she has now discovered an interest in the glorious world of products. She’s been using a range called ‘Elizabeth’s Daughter’, created by a woman called Elizabeth Hallet for her young daughter (which you could maybe have guessed), and aimed at ‘youthful’ skin. ‘Youthful’ is a slightly too optimistic description of me by anyone’s standards, but I still gave it all a try and particularly liked The Facial Cream Cleanser (£15) and The Soothing & Glossing Balm (£18). The Skin Spritz (£17) was a bit too perfumed for my liking.

One more thing while we’re on the subject of kids. My favourite definition of children is “noise covered in dirt”. And with this in mind, it makes sense to have something by the sink that stops you spreading germs about like a medieval plague victim, but at the same time doesn’t wreck your mitts. I have found such a thing in Quash (about £2 for 15ml), a lovely little spray hand sanitiser which uses 100% natural ingredients, kills off those bad boy germs like MRSA – but also contains antioxidants to inhibit ageing of the skin on your hands. What more could you want? Except maybe a decent night’s sleep, a tidy home, peace and quiet…

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